One is Not the Loneliest Number

Our culture glorifies romance. Movies, music and books insist that happiness can only be found in romantic relationships. A great relationship has many benefits but by desperately seeking one, many people end up compromising themselves and accepting a relationship that brings them more misery than happiness. In a bad relationship, people bring out the absolute worst in each other and it's hard to like yourself when you are constantly on your worst behavior. Some people even seem to think that hitting each other with frying pans indicates passion.  I once read this quote, "A bad marriage makes you lose your fear of death." Ouch. That's life changing. If given the choice between a lousy relationship and being alone, most people are too terrified to make a change. But although growth and transformation can seem daunting and painful, the results will more than compensate.
Solitude is often mistaken for loneliness but it is necessary if we ever want to know ourselves. Being alone let's us hear ourselves think. It allows us to remember who we really are and what we want without the influence and expectations of others. Being alone helps us to become more confident, capable and independent.
As Einstein said, "Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth...make your life worth living."

Save the Books

As I write these thoughts for people to read online, I am hoping that electronic devices never cause the extinction of books. You know, paper and ink. I especially love hardcovers. I'm in love with books, period. I read my favorites so many times I can quote them; The Hobbitt, Fablehaven, Great Expectations and reference of all kinds including nature or travel books loaded with photos that allow us to experience every thing the world has to offer from a park bench. As a kid, I read the encyclopedia from A to Z and a dictionary that almost outweighed me. And before I could crack the magical code, my long-suffering sister read to me. I would wiggle with intolerable anticipation while waiting to see the dog party in "Go, Dog. Go!"
And then came that ingenius invention, the bookstore cafe'. When I walk into Barnes and Noble I'm immediately intoxicated by the combined scents of books, coffee and baking cookies. I never want to leave! No wonder you find people sleeping in the armchairs. Maybe they are being educated by osmosis.  Do you think they would notice if I brought in a cot and my cats?
Books look beautiful in a room, they feel good to hold and did I mention the smell? There are many advantages to the new paperless world but if books ever become extinct, please bury me with the last one!

Worth the Wait

When I was a kid, before the days of the internet and video recorders (yes, there was such a time) I would wait eagerly all year to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. I was mesmerized by Tom Turkey, the Garfield balloon and Santa in his snow goose sleigh. We also had to wait all year for "Miracle on 34th Street" and I envied the little girl in the movie for living on the parade route. That movie was worth watching even if only to see Santa whack that smug shrink with his cane. If you had the tragic misfortune to miss those holiday specials, you had to resign yourself to a year of waiting.
This year, I missed the parade on Thanksgiving, but the next day on my way home from work I saw a cloud formation that bore a remarkable resemblance to a line of parade animal balloons, (see photo below). I clearly saw a baby elephant, whale, snail, duck and rabbit.  Or maybe my imagination is just over developed from reading "The Hobbit" one too many times.
Instead of settling for and marrying the first schlep we meet, sometimes it pays to wait for the person we want. Chocolate needs time to ferment and I assume croissants require time to rise (I don’t know because they sound way too difficult to make).
I believe that in this world of instant gratification, some things are just worth the wait.

Step Away From the Credit Card

As the aptly named "Black Friday" approaches, normally sane and courteous people are preparing to morph into ravenous, ruthless spenders. I know there are millions of books about financial security and wealth building but it sort of all boils down to this:  Stop spending.
Are Americans the only people who actually pay for storage units and buy books telling them how to organize all of the junk they never use? Instead of trying to store all of that stuff, wouldn't it be easier not to buy it in the first place? After books on clutter prevention have topped bestsellers' lists, people are still dedicating a whole day to buying stuff which eventually ends up in the landfill.
Debt puts us in bondage but saving can buy freedom. Einstein said,  "Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world.  He who understands it, earns it....he who doesn't, pays it."

A Cat is Always on the Wrong Side of the Door

The cat yowls to come in but once inside, decides that the place he just left is more desirable and proceeds to yowl to get out. There is currently a lot of research concerning hedonistic adaptation. In English, this roughly means that although a change can make us happy at first, we will eventually return to our baseline level of happiness. If we have something pleasant daily, it becomes habitual and taken for granted.
A new job, city or relationship is intoxicating, but the only way to continue enjoying it is to improve our baseline ability to search for and appreciate the benefits our lives currently offer instead of thinking that the proverbial grass would be so much greener if we could kick down the fence and be somewhere else with someone new.   We work so arduously to achieve a goal then quickly forget to value what we’ve gained and have to start all over again, like Sisyphus toiling to push the boulder up the hill only to watch it roll back to the bottom.  
Einstein understood the need to seek magic in the ordinary:  “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Chocolate is a Bean

It seems that the scientists are on board with chocolate. They say it's filled with antioxidants and mood elevating substances. And it's a BEAN that actually tastes good!  What's not to like; I ask you?!
What would the world be without chocolate? Can you imagine the Christmas stockings, Easter baskets and trick or treat bags? Do I even need to mention Valentine's Day?
Chocolate was once considered a rare extravagance. A cacao tree will only grow within 10 (some say 20) degrees of the equator. That would leave most of us chocolate deprived if not for modern shipping methods.
To renew your appreciation, do yourself a favor and read the classic "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”   Just be sure to have a sweet stash within reach!

Grace Under Pressure

Was it Hemingway who said, "Courage is grace under pressure"? I don't enjoy Ernest but I love the Rush album that I assume was named for the quote. Grace under pressure describes the word equanimity. Equanimity is my favorite word. Do all people have favorite words or only those of us who read encyclopedias and dictionaries for relaxation?
Have you ever been in a hurry and the person in front of you is driving twenty mph under the speed limit as if he hasn't noticed that he is no longer driving  a covered wagon? At this point we can behave in a way that would make Cruella de Vil look like Mr. Rogers or we can remain calm and attempt to find some humor in the situation. Unless there is an obvious, immediate solution, sometimes we can strengthen our characters by tolerating inconvenience with equanimity. It also helps to put what's irritating us into perspective. When considering all of the real tragedies that occur, are we really justified in having a cow over an inconvenience? I think not.

It's Good to Be Queen

I love bees.  I especially love honeybees. They are decorative AND useful. I love that the color of their little bodies matches the luxurious golden color of the honey they create. They are the world's most important pollinators and they take what is widely available (nectar) and transform it into a valuable product that humans have coveted for centuries. We depend on bees to pollinate our food supply. Another seemingly magical ability they have is transforming an insignificant larvae into the crucial queen by feeding her royal jelly. We would all benefit from emulating their ability to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.
Some people make the unfortunate mistake of lumping bees in with wasps. Wasps can be very aggressive and when associated with bees, can cause people to have an unfounded fear of bees. Unless we go out of our way to disturb bees, they are peace loving creatures. At different times, I've seen honeybees share a flower with bumblebees, butterflies and hummingbirds. There's another example for us. The world needs bees for a plethora of reasons. Let's protect them. Long live the Queen!

Naturally Happy

It's hard to be grumpy when surrounded by nature. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that the wind makes a different sound in each type of tree. I absolutely love the wind. On windy days the whole world seems so alive. The trees seem to be dancing!
Water makes a variety of music depending on if it's part of a fountain or waterfall. The sounds of nature are drowned out by the noises of man. Make a point of listening for the sounds that are widely tuned out including thunder, rain, waves, birds and insects. Nature sounds are in meditation music for a reason.

One Man's Weeds Are Another Man's Flowers

I once knew a very wise man who said, "Weeds are just flowers that you didn't plant." So many people go to war with weeds. They cover their property in harmful chemicals that poison all living things, trying to make a golf course lawn that would never naturally exist because someone arbitrarily decided  that we should all conform to having “tasteful” green lawns. Wouldn't it be easier and healthier to just let the wildflowers take over? The butterflies and bees would flourish and increase their pollination which is vital to humans.
Take the time to look for roadside wildflowers. They are so diverse, you can find ten different kinds in a twelve inch area. They are exquisite, minute masterpieces that would make an extravagant mouse-sized bouquet. Wildflowers remind us that sometimes the best things are the ones we didn’t plan or pay for.

Happy With Less

There was a time when most people cared very much about what the general public thought of them.  People felt the need to have large, expensive, and therefor, impressive houses and cars. What I really love about our current culture is that it is considered cool to have less. Instead of being viewed as inferior, a person who chooses a smaller house or decides to keep his old car, is now considered environmentally responsible.  A financially modest lifestyle is now something to proudly embrace instead of reluctantly tolerate.
Who wants to be owned by her house or be responsible for loading up the landfills?  As my Aunt says, "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without."

Pay Attention

Everyone has seen a beautiful sunset, but a moonset is something else altogether. In September, while driving to work early in the morning, I saw a gigantic orange ball to the West. I astutely assumed it had to be the moon since everyone knows the Great Pumpkin only appears on Halloween. It was low in the sky and I was looking for a place to pull over that allowed a clear view of the horizon. I should have stopped and taken a picture as soon as I saw my firey moon because within two minutes it had vanished. Something so lovely and rare existed for such a brief time. I guess we can't measure value by its duration.

Trying to Turn a Wall Into a Door

I have often labored under the delusion that every good thing that happens to me is to my credit and every bad thing is a result of a poor decision or a lack of planning.
How is it that with the proof of vastly different siblings who were raised in the same home, I continue to insist that I am in control of outcomes?  I press the elevator button repeatedly and spam the enter button rapidly as if sheer effort and determination can bend reality.
Similar to Chinese Finger Traps, I’m oblivious to the fact that the harder I struggle, the more I feel trapped. I occasionally remember to just tell the truth, do the right thing and then throw it to the four winds. The result is always so much better than anything I try to wrestle into existence.